| My Grandma is in the hospital, dying.
I went to see her.
It's my Mom's Mom so I'm not really close with her..
But it's really hard seeing someone in so much agony. |
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| Xanga got an Android app, wtf?
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| This is going to be challenging!
Wish me luck <3 |
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| Sitting here at home thinking about how much I hate being here. I should just be happy that I'm not on the street or staying at a half way house, but instead I'm sitting here obsessing over the fact that I'm here and it's driving me crazy. I don't really want to have my own place because I'm not prepared to pay for my housing yet, unless it felt 100% right on timing and place, then, and only then is when I would be ready to move. Sometimes it feels like anything would be better than this though.
I feel like I need to start doing something differently or maybe gain some new hobbies or goals. The smell of pepperoni lingers in the air... Oh how I long for either an add or a benz. I think it's funny that only until I tell myself that I can't have something is when I really start wanting it. My mind is like an Indiana Jone's movie, which ironically I've never experienced.
Fuck this tiny ass stuffy room! Fuck it all to hell! I can either:
A] Go in the Living Room with my Grandma
-or-
B] Go to the Garage with my Dad
I WON'T even begin to explain why both of those two options are terrible.
Bitch and whine...
Bitch and whine?
Why oh why...
It's funny how this has been a reoccurring problem my entire life. Read back throughout my Xanga and this will be the #1 themed post on my page. -_- Nothing ever changes. Wow, I feel like a teenager again. |
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| It's so hard to be separated from someone that you care about so deeply. It's as if no matter how much time I actually get with him it's never really truly enough because I long to be with him continually. I feel like it's a healthy obsession, at least for me, because I feel like such an incredibly better person to just have him in my presence. I only wish that he felt equally as strong about this. It's hard to tell when someone chooses to hold things back or not fully express themselves concerning situations such as this one. I have to step back from my position a lot and look at what's going on and try to remember to keep his best interests in mind and even choose to put his before my own as often as I am able to. I don't want to overcrowd him or ever make him feel as if I'm forcing him to engage in any time together that he feels is unneeded. Being a constant worrier doesn't help my dilemma much. Maybe as time goes by I'll appreciate our time apart more so that we can not only progress the relationship that we have together but also ourselves as the individuals that we are. But for now I'd rather choose to let him know that he is needed, wanted, appreciated, and overwhelmingly felt for. |
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True